October 11th, 2025Kyle’s Rant

As the great man Douglas Adams once said: “So long and thanks for all the fish”. This is the bloke who wrote the fourth instalment in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series.
According to NASA, Comet 3I/ATLAS is the third known object from outside our solar system to be discovered passing through our celestial neighbourhood. When the orbit of 3I/ATLAS is traced into the past, the comet clearly originates from outside our solar system.
But Comet 3I/ATLAS poses no threat to Earth and will remain far away. The closest it will approach our planet is about 270 million kilometres. The comet will reach its closest point to the sun around October 30, 2025, at a distance of about 210 million kilometres, just inside the orbit of Mars. The interstellar comet’s size and physical properties are being investigated by astronomers around the world. It should remain visible to ground-based telescopes through September 2025, after which it will pass too close to the sun to observe. It will reappear on the other side of the sun by early December 2025, allowing for renewed observations.
Meanwhile the conspiracists are puzzling on how its trajectory is so spot-on that it can skim over the top of our solar system and how when it gets here it will be hiding on the other side of the sun for a month or so – the chance of this occurring is less than one in two hundred million. Then there is the fact there is no tail to this comet, which actually doesn’t make sense. There is also some sort of glow on its bow, which some are referring to as headlights. Some in the astronomy game have even sided with the aluminium-lid lovers club to concur that we might have a mothership on our hands. And it must be true because I have seen it for myself on YouTube.
I am hoping that if we are expecting an otherworldly visit, it’s just to pick up that amazing bloke who has stopped seven wars and is now in charge of the Gaza Strip. Donny, an all-round nice guy according to himself, a bloke that has been screaming from the rooftops to whoever will listen that he is the new messiah.
Well, maybe the little green men have been listening and just maybe they need him up there in their world to save their galaxy, far, far away. Maybe this bloke really is the messiah, a great negotiator and all-round fixer upper of world problems and the “Nano-Nano” men from Planet Ork want to give him a crack saving their galaxy. Perhaps they feel his talents are misplaced down here and want to give him a chance on the universal stage. I mean, he’s already saved the world, according to MAGA.
Anyway, my message to you all is don’t pay your taxes until Christmas. Let’s see how this whole thing plays out, and if we have to send our great white hope up to Planet Fukoffski for a while so be it.
Good luck rant over…
(Ed’s note: The Local does not endorse not paying tax bills…)