Not just for Christmas  Like puppies and kittens, they’re to keep and cherish for their lifetime. I’m talking  about house plants, because, with a little care and the right treatment and conditions  they can be expected to last for years – especially if they’re presented in an attractive, decorated pot.  

But it doesn’t stop with indoor plants. I’m yet to hear of anyone turning down a  flowering shrub or garden ornament as a gift.  

As an ardent last-minute panic Christmas shopper, let me tell you that there’s an  endless supply of garden goodies to be had with all of the little nurseries, florists and  gift shops scattered throughout our area.

Whether it be pot plants, garden ornaments  or sculptures, the choice is all yours.  If the choice is plant life, more than a little care is needed to select something that  is both appealing and capable of surviving way past the euphoria of Christmas Day, so buy locally from the people who know and grow for themselves.  

Obviously any gifted tree or shrub will yearn for the outdoors and should not be kept indoors any longer than Christmas/New Year before being released in the  garden.

But the indoor varieties are a different matter and will mostly thrive if placed in front of a well-lit window, preferably a southern one away from direct sunlight.  

Totally out of the sunlight is preferable for the soft-leaf ferns. Coming mostly  from the depths of rain forests, they can tolerate longer spells of low light. But for other cool-climate species, early morning sunlight is fine.  

Frost-sensitive plants such as poinsettia need the protection of double-glazing or a  constantly warm room to survive the worst of winter. Take care not to overwater your  plants, they are more likely to drown than to suffer from a few days without water.  

Potted plants for indoors, or a sheltered spot on the porch or terrace, are always  welcomed especially if they come in or with an attractive container.  

Most homes have a well-lit spot indoors where indoor plants will flourish – but  away from direct sunlight is best. These can range from ornamental foliaged plants such as ivy, sansevieria (snake plant), ficus, philodendrons or the vast range of  ornamental ferns, many of which are native to Australia.  

The all-time favourite saintpaulia or African violets are in bloom right now in a range of delightful colours from white to deep purple.  

For outdoors, larger plants along with suitably large containers always make  terrific gifts.  For a cool, shaded spot, nothing compares with hydrangeas.

In sunny places plants grown simply for their attractive foliage include cordyline flax, conifers and the slender-foliaged, dwarf, weeping acacias.  

Among my favourites would be the new range of fruiting miniature citrus trees  and the ubiquitous aspidistra. Since Victorian times, through decades of ridicule and downright rejection, these stalwarts (especially the striped, variegated form) have  survived neglect in dark, dusty corners to now rightfully claim their place of honour  in our homes and gardens.  

(Ed’s note: This is Glen’s last full column – he is finally taking time off to look after his health.  But he has promised to keep in touch with a monthly Q&A column. So feel free to email him at glenzgarden gmail.com, and if you have enjoyed his many years of columns maybe send him a  thank-you! I certainly thank him for all his hard work and wonderful pieces. Glen helped us get The Local off the ground! Our Godfather.)  

If you are one of those smiling, doughy-looking characters who mean well but whose biggest thrill of the year is to light up your front yard with inflatable plastic creatures that have nothing to do with a southern hemisphere Christmas celebration while drawing 150,000 amps per minute from the grid, don’t read on as you will find this column offensive.  

So, this is Christmas. The time of year the world’s commercial gears crank up to  full capacity. We seem to forget about the environmental dilemma we find ourselves in and buy lots of junk for the kids that will be lucky to make it in working order into the New Year.  

The lead-up to the big day has us guzzling booze and delicious food which only makes an appearance once a year such as Christmas mince pies and other assorted pastries in the shape of other Christmassy figures.  

And we aren’t satisfied until we have visited one of these turn-outs every other day prior to Christmas Day.  It is as if the world ends after Christmas. Everything has to be just right for the rellies to visit and you can’t get a tradesman for four weeks prior.  

The shopping centres are abuzz with the sound of parents making Christmas-style ‘no toys’ threats to their children. Most folks are already stretched beyond their budgets but keep buying in the hope the New Year will alleviate their budget woes.  And there is definitely a temporary woe reliever to be found in the bottom of the bubbly bottle.  

On the day itself, we humans seem to think it is our God-given right to make our family Christmas tables heave with all the poor little animals we can get our hands on.  

The prawns cop a hiding along with the ducks, pigs, geese, turkeys and little lambs for sausages. Someone’s probably even eating kangaroo or croc.  The day typically ends with bellies full, rude aunts and uncles draped over your soft furnishings and some sort of sporting activity in the backyard.

 I guess my dislike of the big day is deep-rooted, from growing up in my early years as a Jehovah’s Witness, where we did not celebrate such things or for that matter anything.  

But whether it’s your thing to have a traditional Christmas or more your bag to do what Donna and I did last year, which was a Macca’s quarter pounder and a movie, I hope you all enjoy the day.  

But please remember: to a kid under two, the box and gift paper are as good a present as the present itself and maybe just for a moment consider the environment.  Bah Humbug Christmas rant over…  

Ed’s note. I wonder if this means I don’t have to do a family Christmas with Kyle this year? And (below) in more Christmassy times! He hasn’t always been a Grinch…

By Donna Kelly

Kyle and I are having an orphans’ Christmas this year. I literally am an orphan now, and one of his parents lives in another state and one in another country.

Now it may sound sad, especially if you are used to big celebrations, but we have had some of our best Christmases alone.

Two were in Queensland, one in Cairns and one on the Gold Coast. The Cairns one was quirky. We bundled up some chicken and bread rolls and champagne (simple tastes) and headed to some waterfalls known as the Crystal Cascades.

It was really hot and muggy and we ate and drank a little and then decided to go for a swim. But the water was dark and we kept thinking about crocodiles and in the end we freaked ourselves out and packed up the picnic.

We then headed back into town, watched a James Bond movie at the cinema and then had dinner at a Chinese restaurant – which was packed with Chinese tourists oddly enough. Wouldn’t you think they would be at an Australian restaurant sampling kanga and emu meat. Eating the coat of arms of Australia.

Quick fact. The emu and the kangaroo were chosen for the coat of arms because neither of them can walk backwards. So Australia is always moving forwards. Hmm.

The second Queensland orphans’ Christmas saw me working for the day. I was a Japanese speaking driver guide – back in the 90s – and the day started with picking up my itinerary from a darkened Gold Coast office about 3am then driving to collect my passengers from Brisbane Airport about 4.30am.

Then it was a day of fun, taking them to their hotels, then off to a sheep/ whipcracking place for breakfast, then Movieworld for the day, then out to dinner.

Kyle, who was not working that day, kept calling asking when I would be back. I finally turned up about 9pm and found a veritable seafood feast spread out on the floor as an indoor picnic. It was fantastic but had not been without difficulty.

Kyle had gone to buy all the goods from a local supermarket but at the checkout his card was declined. The staffer, instead of saying “do you have another card?” said nastily “you don’t have any money in your account”. So Kyle said something equally unpleasant back and stormed off.

Of course, he rallied, worked out his finances and returned, after a shift change, and shopped again. He is nothing if not determined.

Not sure what we will do this year, but I am sure lots of food and drink will be involved. And a few calls to friends and family. Maybe a present or two.

It’s been another funny, peculiar, not ha-ha, year. Covid is still sort of wandering around, but at least we don’t have that same fear which I don’t think anyone from other states understand.

And that terrible accident has taken its toll on many people and continues to be in the headlines.

So I hope you get a chance to have a bit of a silly season. I think we all need a bit of silliness or joy or whatever makes you smile. And drink the champagne (unless you are an abstainer!) and eat the pavlova and spread a bit of good cheer.

Our next edition is out January 1, 2024. The New Year. So this is my chance to say thanks for reading, for advertising, for supporting and for enjoying a publication that is all about Connecting the Community.

Have a wonderful Christmas, or whatever it is that you do, and catch you in the New Year. I hope it’s a good one, without any fear. Just sayin’…