Mostly I charge my Tesla at home with a normal 10-amp plug, which means I  wake up in the morning with a full tank. That way I am ready to traverse the plethora of potholes we refer to as roads around the Hepburn Shire.  

But I got caught short a little the other day and found myself at the Daylesford Town Hall’s charger. I guess I should have picked up on the clue, which was the spider webs around the handle of the charger, meaning no one had been there for  a while.

It clearly wasn’t working and on further investigation it had been dead the whole time, well before Christmas right through to mid-January.  

While parked in the non-operational charging bay I noticed that out from under the barrier around the Town Hall renovations white liquid with paint flakes was pouring all over the footpath and flowing into the drains.

It was clearly coming from the works behind the screen and my guess was they were water blasting the paint off.  

And although on mere battery fumes I thought it my civic duty to report it to the council. To  council’s credit the fix was almost immediate, in the form of a guy with a hose blasting away the  evidence into the drains. WTF…  

Now the only other charger in the immediate area is at the Hepburn Mineral Springs Reserve,  which has two charging stalls but only one fitting suitable for a Tesla. So I limped along, by this time on four per cent battery capacity.

Luckily, a fellow  who had just plugged in and was about to enjoy a two-hour treatment at the Bathhouse, gave me his spot. Thank you kind sir.  

I bought the Tesla before Elon turned into even a bigger wanker than he was by  joining Trump and making a Nazi salute at the president’s inauguration last Monday.  

But I do think there is noticeably a lot more electric and hybrid cars on the road. In fact, over 120,000 EVs or non-ICE (internal combustion engine) cars were purchased  by Australians last year.  

Surely it’s time to do a bit better around the Hepburn Shire, where even in terms of tourists trying to come for a holiday, range anxiety is a huge issue.  

We have the land and I am sure there are a lot of grants around; besides tourism is a huge economic driver and our local economy is flailing.

For those in the world of EVs, charging is everything, destination charges such as the 50 amp at the bathhouse or the one in the main street of Daylesford (which doesn’t even rate a mention on the  Plugshare app) are okay if you are having a bit of lunch and you plan to be at a place for two to three hours.  

But we need a bank of serious superchargers somewhere in the Hepburn Shire,  ones that deliver 250–500 watts for a full charge in 20 minutes.  

We need this infrastructure not only so we can embrace the change to electric  and give locals choice as to what cars they have. We also need this infrastructure to  literally drive tourists up here.

I feel like all the amazing work that has been done by local businesses and various tourist affiliations over the years to create our village destinations will go to waste if we don’t keep up. EV rant over…  

Hepburn Shire Council will have to pull its finger out if it wants to keep visitors to the area. By the end of next year there will be 40 brands of electric vehicles sold in Australia and when they come to our little spot of paradise the EVs will all be vying  for the total of six charge ports we have across our shire.  

The benefits of an electric vehicle (EV) with all the whizzbangery such as the cyborg (Tesla) that calls TL HQ home are overwhelming. But the pecadilloes that the car features are hilarious and sometimes dangerous such as the “phantom braking”.  

Lately the Telsa has been a bit on the nose due to that idiot Musk aligning himself  with that equally idiotic buffoon with a guinea pig for a headpiece, Trump. And it’s all because these big boys like to throw their toys out of the cot when they get pissed  off.  

Musk used to vote exclusively for the Democrats until the Biden administration gave him the cold shoulder out of fear of angering the United Auto Workers union and Tesla is the only non-union automaker in the US.  

So, Musk ran off to the Trump camp with his bounty of Teslas, Starlinks, SpaceX rockets and a thousand other bright ideas. I personally would have kept him in the  Democratic camp, but that’s just me.  

But back to my Tesla. I have given it the benefit of the doubt when it comes to parking because at the dealership you are told that it needs to “learn”.

Well, the lesson  is over mate, after six months jerking around in and out of parking spaces using the old 15-point parking method it is time for you to shine.  

For God’s sake, it’s not as if you need to drive, you are supposed to be in control  of your own wheels and steering system. I point you in the right direction, a nice clear arc into the parking bay and press the park button.  

But no, you have to adjust the wheel and make me look like an idiot as you creep this way and that and finally arrive crooked and discombobulated into my park after two minutes and a dozen or so fast and violent adjustments between forward and  reverse.  

Mr Musk must have had one of his bright ideas when he invented the fart button,  yes that’s right. We get around in a vehicle that suffers from phantom braking and can’t park to save its life, but if you want to generate a juicy fart noise you only have  to push the button.  

And what is this “phantom breaking” I hear you say, this happens when you are  in full auto drive mode cruising along on a freeway at 110kph when there is a car behind you at what is considered a safe distance, and your Tesla sees a 60kph exit  sign, gets confused and bangs on the anchors.  

This quickly closes the distance between you and the car behind, because the two things Teslas are great at is acceleration and braking.  

Don’t get me wrong, the car is fun to drive, it is nothing short of fast and nippy and a handful to keep under the speed limit, and admittedly my issues are first world.  

But if the ground invasion of AI is led by the Tesla, here’s a quick hint. Corner yourself in a parking bay and you’ll have a lot of time to gather your thoughts and  conjure up a counterattack.  

ICE ICE baby rant over…(for those in the know…)  

The Hepburn Springs EV charger is so far proving to be the most popular charger in the Hepburn shire, at least for the last financial year.

The Hepburn Shire Council, quoting a post from Hepburn Energy, in recent days reported that people are charging their cars at Hepburn Springs for longer.

The council reported that: “Out of all of our EV Chargers across the Hepburn Shire in FY24, the Hepburn Springs charger had the highest number of uses and MWh consumed. This abated a total of 32.88 tonnes of carbon dioxide emissions”.

“In particular, people charge their cars for longer sessions here, for both locals and visitors alike.”

The data findings prompted council staff to wonder whether the local attractions may have been a factor, “Positioned at the bathhouse who wouldn’t want to stay a little longer?” they pondered.

The council has also reported recently that the Creswick EV charge station is now back on line after it had been off line due to a technical issue.

This story based on a public social media post issued by Hepburn shire Council.