December 24th, 2024Kyle’s Rant

If you are one of those smiling, doughy-looking characters who mean well but whose biggest thrill of the year is to light up your front yard with inflatable plastic creatures that have nothing to do with a southern hemisphere Christmas celebration while drawing 150,000 amps per minute from the grid, don’t read on as you will find this column offensive.  

So, this is Christmas. The time of year the world’s commercial gears crank up to  full capacity. We seem to forget about the environmental dilemma we find ourselves in and buy lots of junk for the kids that will be lucky to make it in working order into the New Year.  

The lead-up to the big day has us guzzling booze and delicious food which only makes an appearance once a year such as Christmas mince pies and other assorted pastries in the shape of other Christmassy figures.  

And we aren’t satisfied until we have visited one of these turn-outs every other day prior to Christmas Day.  It is as if the world ends after Christmas. Everything has to be just right for the rellies to visit and you can’t get a tradesman for four weeks prior.  

The shopping centres are abuzz with the sound of parents making Christmas-style ‘no toys’ threats to their children. Most folks are already stretched beyond their budgets but keep buying in the hope the New Year will alleviate their budget woes.  And there is definitely a temporary woe reliever to be found in the bottom of the bubbly bottle.  

On the day itself, we humans seem to think it is our God-given right to make our family Christmas tables heave with all the poor little animals we can get our hands on.  

The prawns cop a hiding along with the ducks, pigs, geese, turkeys and little lambs for sausages. Someone’s probably even eating kangaroo or croc.  The day typically ends with bellies full, rude aunts and uncles draped over your soft furnishings and some sort of sporting activity in the backyard.

 I guess my dislike of the big day is deep-rooted, from growing up in my early years as a Jehovah’s Witness, where we did not celebrate such things or for that matter anything.  

But whether it’s your thing to have a traditional Christmas or more your bag to do what Donna and I did last year, which was a Macca’s quarter pounder and a movie, I hope you all enjoy the day.  

But please remember: to a kid under two, the box and gift paper are as good a present as the present itself and maybe just for a moment consider the environment.  Bah Humbug Christmas rant over…  

Ed’s note. I wonder if this means I don’t have to do a family Christmas with Kyle this year? And (below) in more Christmassy times! He hasn’t always been a Grinch…