Estimated travel time: New Zealand to Melbourne - 23 hours. It’s not a flight you would choose. But sometimes they choose you. And you know what? Travel just isn’t fun anymore. A cautionary tale follows.
THE Local started on September 2, 2013, due to a combination of happenstance, and has been driven forward into the present with tenacity from the crew, the reckless and rambunctious business acumen and photography skill of yours truly as well as the skill of the editor, keeping a steady hand on the tiller.
Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide, foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz, hypodermics on the shore, China's under martial law, rock and roller, cola wars, I can't take it anymore.
I DON’T get a lot of feedback on my columns, I am sure they generally get ignored as the paper makes its way to the woodbox, however my last column ruffled a few feathers. Well actually, just one feather.
WHAT is going on with the potholes? Driving around the Central Highlands is like a stint in the Dakar Rally. Instead of the obligatory scattering of gravel and stomp down that may last a day, the good people on the roadworks seem to have given up.
THE summer holidays have ground to a halt, our New Year's resolutions are a bit of a distant memory and we have wheeled the dumpster fire known as 2021 into the back lane, filled it with accelerant and let it rip.
THE topic of the moment is The Rex in Daylesford and the abhorrent waste of ratepayers' money. I do intend to get to that after this quick community safety message.
THE world of digital news combined with the pandemic has not been too kind on traditional community newspapers, who have been slow to change their ways and have as a result perished or become solely digital in the new media landscape.
I KNOW I should thank my lucky stars living the life I live and being born into a first world community, having hot dinners on the table every night and a reliable car to run around in.
LAST week I hired a post hole digger from the blokes at Kyneton Hire. The reason for the post hole digger procurement was as an easy way to plant a few plants that have grown too big for their pots. The cost was $90 for a 24-hour hire and when you are looking down the barrel of a dozen or so big tree holes, a bargain by anyone’s calculation.
WHAT a whirlwind time it’s been with paracetamol falling down the medical stairs of trust to be branded a placebo, and now the federal government declaring that AstraZeneca be not administered for under 50 year olds, due to blood clot concerns.
HOW often have you heard “We are experiencing higher than normal call volumes right now” or “all of our team are busy, please hold and we will answer your call as soon as possible”? All while patiently waiting on the phone listening to music from the 1980s that is designed to take you back to a simpler time and calm you down.
THE other day I went on a photoshoot - I know, no big deal but bear in mind during the pandemic the old camera bag sat in the corner and collected dust.
I WROTE a rant a couple of editions ago that declared I was done for the year and asked if, for one edition of our free reading offering, you (the readers) wouldn’t mind popping your own rant in the allotted space.
I DON'T have a lot to add to these Christmas festivities except “we don’t know how lucky we are mate” - that is, us living in the land down under compared to the Northern Hemisphere.
RECENTLY we visited the city (it was a Monday and dead) and once we had checked into our hotel room, a ritzy two-bedroom apartment on the 22nd floor for under $200 (cheap as, bro), we were off for lunch.
CRUISING around the world on giant cruise ships is my idea of luxe.
I am not talking about those boats that have a maze of slides running over the top of them for the kiddies to enjoy or the craft that have a giant ball on the top for the best view.
ANOTHER year is ending, the hint of Christmas is in the air. I can tell by all the sales emails that are pinging into my inbox. What is this Black Friday rubbish that keeps hitting my spam account?
AS WE come out the other side of the lockdowns and the sheer terror that formed our Winter in terms of the pandemic, I wonder what we have learnt as a race.
TOURISTS: A species of humans not in their home habitat, usually identified by the wonderment on their faces as they amble around the streets, brains in neutral, on the hunt for coffee and nourishment.
RECENTLY I invested in a new iPhone, after all, the old one was five years old and according to one taxi driver it made my hands look big. Wrong. And yes, it was an old iPhone 5.
WOW, I have hit the dizzying heights of being an influencer. Well not just me, The Local. Well not actually just The Local. We intercepted a general media shout-out by a media campaign company to do with organic natural chicken jerky.
I HAVE never been one for settling down. The fact I went to 13 schools in my childhood as my father chased the fish might have something to do with that, but I find myself having lived in the Central Highlands for 15 years now.
WHEN making rules such as mask wearing, the various layers of government must have to apply a “slippage” rate. That is a rate for the 15 per cent of society who are colloquially known as “dipshits”.
LIKE a lot of people, over my life I have suffered with body image issues. I reckon it started in the 70s, trying to figure out my mother’s diet fads. There was the grapefruit diet, the F-plan and lots of cottage cheese and rice cakes stuffed into the fridge and pantry.
A FEW months ago, a TV advertisement popped up with a little girl who shrieked at her mother for using excess water to pre-wash the dishes before they went into the dishwasher.
WHEN I was growing up, we had TV One - and that about describes the choice of entertainment as we only had one channel up the top of the North Island of New Zealand.
GEE, I am starting to miss my family and that feeling has been doubled down by the border closures. I guess I am lucky to still have a mother and a father but I now realise that I haven’t given them enough attention over the years with distance being the tyranny.
A SOVEREIGN citizen is someone who believes that he or she is above all laws and a member of a political movement of people who oppose taxation, question the legitimacy of government and believe that they are not subject to the law.
WHAT a weird world we live in. It seems like during the middle of last year I am planning out 2020, then the bushfires hit and then we land straight into a pandemic.
