Kyle’s Rant

AS WE come out the other side of the lockdowns and the sheer terror that formed our Winter in terms of the pandemic, I wonder what we have learnt as a race.

TOURISTS: A species of humans not in their home habitat, usually identified by the wonderment on their faces as they amble around the streets, brains in neutral, on the hunt for coffee and nourishment.

RECENTLY I invested in a new iPhone, after all, the old one was five years old and according to one taxi driver it made my hands look big. Wrong. And yes, it was an old iPhone 5.

WOW, I have hit the dizzying heights of being an influencer. Well not just me, The Local. Well not actually just The Local. We intercepted a general media shout-out by a media campaign company to do with organic natural chicken jerky.

I HAVE never been one for settling down. The fact I went to 13 schools in my childhood as my father chased the fish might have something to do with that, but I find myself having lived in the Central Highlands for 15 years now.

WHEN making rules such as mask wearing, the various layers of government must have to apply a “slippage” rate. That is a rate for the 15 per cent of society who are colloquially known as “dipshits”.

LIKE a lot of people, over my life I have suffered with body image issues. I reckon it started in the 70s, trying to figure out my mother’s diet fads. There was the grapefruit diet, the F-plan and lots of cottage cheese and rice cakes stuffed into the fridge and pantry.

A FEW months ago, a TV advertisement popped up with a little girl who shrieked at her mother for using excess water to pre-wash the dishes before they went into the dishwasher.

WHEN I was growing up, we had TV One - and that about describes the choice of entertainment as we only had one channel up the top of the North Island of New Zealand.

GEE, I am starting to miss my family and that feeling has been doubled down by the border closures. I guess I am lucky to still have a mother and a father but I now realise that I haven’t given them enough attention over the years with distance being the tyranny.

SOMETIMES I wonder what sort of new phrase paradigm we have dropped into? Stay with me here.

A SOVEREIGN citizen is someone who believes that he or she is above all laws and a member of a political movement of people who oppose taxation, question the legitimacy of government and believe that they are not subject to the law.

WHAT a weird world we live in. It seems like during the middle of last year I am planning out 2020, then the bushfires hit and then we land straight into a pandemic.

SO FAR 2020 has been a tough year for not only Australia but the world.

IT'S been a scary few months with the bushfires wreaking havoc across the country.