Kyle’s Rant

December 13th, 2020Kyle’s Rant

RECENTLY we visited the city (it was a Monday and dead) and once we had checked into our hotel room, a ritzy two-bedroom apartment on the 22nd floor for under $200 (cheap as, bro), we were off for lunch.

The reason for the visit was to do what we used to do before COVID hit. Take a break from our blessed country life, take in what’s new at the movies and generally revel in a city life of convenience for a night. We wandered the streets around our old haunts including Chinatown but most of our old faves were boarded up. It sent chills up my spine to the point where we decided our evening meal was going to be back in the hotel and even the movies were off the menu.

Speaking of menus, up here in the Central Highlands or certainly here at TL HQ we don’t get much in the way of delivery. A pizza is a 20-kilometre round-trip so, for me, some of the excitement of the city is the fact you can call on a company like Menulog to deliver to your door. Snoop Dogg is a rapper and the front man for Menulog. If you haven’t seen his adverts, which are just about on every advert cycle on the TV, you must be living under a rock. But for those rock-dwellers, let me paint a picture, or as the “Dogg” would say, “let me break it down for you like a fraction”.
Think of a bunch of over-privileged rap artists flying around in a plane, which has no seats, just an oversized round bed draped in furs and doe-eyed women. The convenience of Menulog is further endorsed by a guy on a hang-glider dropping off some fried rice into the plane. The point? “We will deliver anywhere”. Fast-forward to my experience. Snuggled in my trackie-daks, in my luxe apartment with my wife of 25 years. Sort of like the Snoop Dogg scene…same, same but different.
Anyway, I ordered my pre-pandemic favourite food – crispy-skin chicken along with some vegetables in oyster sauce and another chicken dish for the missus that had something to do with a pineapple and a couple of other anaemic vegetables.
An hour after hitting the app and 30 minutes after Menulog’s delivery guestimation, I got a call from the driver. He was down on the street and could not get a park so asked if I would waddle down to collect my food. Sure, just a change of clothes, trying to find the key to the hotel, a facemask and sanitiser for the lift.
This was definitely not a Snoop Dogg experience. I finally made it back to my room only to open the bag to find one of the dishes had leaked – and all were icy cold. WTH?
Mind you, I heard that there are logistics troubles with the new COVID vaccine because it had to be delivered at super-cold temperatures. Simple solution? Give it to a Menulog driver – they would ensure super-chilled delivery.
I wish someone hadn’t said Menulog, rant over…

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