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Kyle’s Rant

March 29th, 2021Kyle’s Rant

HOW often have you heard “We are experiencing higher than normal call volumes right now” or “all of our team are busy, please hold and we will answer your call as soon as possible”? All while patiently waiting on the phone listening to music from the 1980s that is designed to take you back to a simpler time and calm you down.

Kevin Bloody Wilson had the right answer with his fabulous Stick that F…ing Phone song. Just follow the QR code to refresh your memory or create a new one but be warned it is a little graphic for those out there who don’t enjoy a good F-bomb.


The soothing recording on the other end of the phone breaks into my music revival telling me that they appreciate my patience and also it understands my time is important. Blah, blah, blah. But I am sure it is just lip service or is the artificial intelligence really starting to cotton on to my biorhythms?
Does the voice machine cyborg really understand how important my time is as it queues up another droll song it has handpicked just for me, probably based on my voice print – of an old bugger.
But then I do start to wonder how the bionic dude is selecting these songs, they are all very familiar to me. Is it a Happy Days style jukebox and the robot is a Fonzie-bot slapping the side of the record player? Again, if you don’t remember or have never seen that follow this QR Code.


One such call to a local bank’s HQ ended with an offer for the autobot to ring me back when I had got to the front of the queue. The offer included a time slot of between 14 to 24 minutes. Too easy, I thought as I left my number and recorded my name with the Terminator.
The call did come but I missed it because I had cleared the decks in terms of appointments for the next half hour and the phone finally chimed in around the one-and-a-half-hour mark.
What had happened to my place in the queue that I was promised? The mechanical human was very clear with my timeslot and allowing for a little leeway I would have thought half an hour would have done the trick, but alas not so. It seems like that particular organisation wasn’t interested in the $10 million I wanted to park in their coffers. (That was a joke.)


It will be interesting to see where the communication avenues go in the next decade with bots not only lining us up in the queue, but being able to answer even our most intimate questions.
Terminator rant over…



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