October 26th, 2020Kyle’s Rant

So, I accepted the invitation that I would somehow discreetly wind the product into my column in return for some free KOOEE jerky and a box of a thousand jerky flavours arrived. And even if I don’t like the jerky, which of course I do, in the words of Forrest Gump, “I just loved playing ping-pong with my flex-o-light ping-pong paddle”, it is OK because his mum said one little white lie wouldn’t hurt.
I have been bounced around a bit lately while driving on the roads just south of Anakie, on a recent trip to Lorne. I mean Anakie the town, not the current state of the US. There is a stretch of road that would be the envy of a rodeo rider. I am sure that if I did not get air, I must have been at the extension limit of my shock absorbers. And a little way along that stretch of road I saw a sign indicating “rough road ahead”. Wow, I wondered, what was that I had just been on? They would be better off placing a sign saying where the smooth bits of road are so I have half a chance to get up to the designated speed limit.
Oh, that all happened while I was chomping on my delicious KOOEE – the all natural, organic, original chicken jerky – and the bumps made light work of the need to chew and sometimes even helped in the swallowing process.
But back to roadworks here in the Central Highlands. This was a large stretch of road so, as well as traffic lights they had opted for a pilot van whose job was to lead the traffic through the works, avoiding potential collisions with the working vehicles. This, I imagine, would be a pretty repetitive position and easy to lose concentration.
I was three cars behind the pilot van when its driver pulled over, almost over a cliff, in order to give way to a machine. And, like that, with the only way the van could recover being by reversing, the car behind the van took the proactive move of making a bolt for it and went around him. This rebel went freeballing through the whole stretch of roadworks and because we are all only humans, we followed what was now the lead car.
By the time the pilot van got back in action it was at the end of the line. I reckon the driver would have lost a slab to his co-workers for that. After all, he only had one job to do and that was to lead us all safely through and he choked. And this was all while snacking down on that delicious 11-gram pack of KOOEE jerky.
Influencer rant over…