April 3rd, 2023Kyle’s Rant

A RECENT trip to Lorne bought back some memories of 2020. You remember, the beginning of the pandemic.
You see, unbeknown to me it was exactly the same time we had taken a break in 2020. Always just after we have produced a big ChillOut edition and the autumn edition of The Little Local, we then fall in a heap after the fun of the parade.I remember it well, we had shut off the phones for the business and would only
take calls from Donna’s mum Betty, who is no longer with us. (Miss you Bet.)
So back to 2020 and after the first 12-hour sleep of recovery at our Lorne
apartment the phone goes and it’s Betty on the line, “Have you heard the news?” she
asks. “Spain is awash with Covid and they have just let a shipload of Covid-infested
passengers off at the docks in Sydney.”
My first reaction, as with most disasters, was to throw up, followed by packing
up and driving to the nearest place we could buy a freezer to store extra supplies – I’d
seen my share of contagion movies.
Fast forward to 2023 and the world has changed. I am not sure people have
learned much out of the whole disaster, but the memories are still fairly sharp and
vivid when you revisit a milestone place. Now I am back from my break with a fifth
shot in my arm I wanted to republish an abridged version of this column from March
23, 2020, it’s a bit spine tingling…
“In the great words of The Beatles, I heard the news today, oh boy.
What is going on in the world? For starters my personal hygiene has taken a hit,
with the only constant in my day being wine o’clock followed by a jagged little pill
that is the 6.30 news on the TV. But I have decided that next week is my week. I
mean I have to get it together. The Local is changing to a weekly format as of next
week so I’ll be busy as a beaver here at TL ‘socially isolated’ HQ.
Now, for all our existing advertisers the price does not change. Yes, you heard it
here first. We are offering a buy-one get one-free advert until the world has sorted
itself out. And that is also a big thank you to our amazing advertisers who fund our
stories about our beautiful locals.
Now, I suppose you want to know why we are going weekly? Well, it was
something we have been throwing around the office as an idea, but then all this
pandemic hysteria came along and we thought we should go up a gear and produce
a weekly magazine. Apart from the good regular stuff that has come out of our
communities we will be bringing you everything you need to know about staying safe
during this time.
Anyway, back to my cleanliness. Among my list of changes to my hygiene and
mental health regime pledge is to pull back on drinking and wake up fresh every
morning instead of coming to. Following this, I will have a shower and possibly a
shave although no guarantees on the latter.
I have resurrected the boxing gloves and have an inflatable bottle of Corona (the
drink not the disease) to bash the shit out of in an effort to ease my angst. I believe
regimentation and a small splash of booze is the only way through this débâcle.
I will be a little relieved when the Central Highlands borders become shut down.
There is beautiful autumn harvest available to eat, so plenty of food and provisions to
go around for residents. I would also like to plead shopkeepers to embarrass folks into
not panic buying – there is enough to go around. Yes, things have changed and the
society deck of cards has been shuffled, but we are not animals.
Calm the f@#k down rant over…”