IF YOU are sick of people bagging the Hepburn Shire Council then it’s
time for you to turn the page. For the rest of you I have a tale to tell that
will have you saying “that would be right” under a slow, shallow exhale.
A couple of years back while in the office at TL HQ I noticed a deep thudding
reverberating through the floorboards in the office. Now at my age that could be any
number of medical issues rearing their heads for the first time. So after a quick self-
check I concluded the thudding was coming from outside the office.
It turns out that the gang from the HSC roadworks department had put their
heads together, for whatever reason, and decided “bugger the potholes, we will create
a 100-metre bitumen track right outside TL HQ”.
This was an unrequested item. The, what I call a roadlet, covers the driveways
of three houses and I think the gravel road was better because it is a deterrent to
any tourist wandering around in awe of the fresh air and tall trees. They need to be
corralled into the shops and pubs where they do their best, spending money in our
local economy.
But back to the roadlet. It was being created by a giant whacker-packer (WP),
and while that may not be its official term, it was the source of the thudding and
vibrating. Having a double-brick house, built in 1861 well before the WP was
invented, I immediately turned my attention to the cracks which were appearing
in the walls. I quickly ran out on the road and effectively shut the job down to the
disappointment of the WP driver, who proclaimed he only had one more run to do
to complete the road.
So, we are left with a piece of tarmac that goes nowhere in particular and, because
I didn’t take photos of my house before the incident, HSC will not admit liability and
the repair bill will be around the 12K mark when completed.
This sort of behaviour seems to be repeated with works around the shire with not
much thought put into the “whole of life” of a project. That is, how we will maintain
a project, why are we doing a project and what value does it give the ratepayer.
I know I sound like a curmudgeon banging on about those in their ivory tower,
however another case in point is this giant rainbow. For God’s sake, who decided that
we were going to buddy up with a giant corporation whose entire ethos consists of
“swipe right” to like, or “swipe left” to dislike.
I was never asked if I thought a big rainbow was the best representation of
our community. This place is a lot of things including an already diverse, inclusive
community. We also have a lot of history in gold and more recently have become
known for being a romantic getaway location.
But here we are lumbered with the huge hunk of coloured plywood, so let’s make
the best of it, but no, we have to stick it in a location where apart from the visiting
netball and football teams only the locals will see it.
Yes, it is a fabulous thing to show off on the one ChillOut day where it will be
Instagrammed into the viral-sphere, but by and large it will sit, lonely, visited by the
odd dog walker or ping-pong player who happens to be wandering by.
And this is exactly the sort of shortsightedness I am talking about. Where is the
signage to say where it is, what about the lighting to protect it from vandals at night
and who will look after it and at what cost? Curmudgeonly rant over…

Ed’s note: A council spokesperson said the sections of road were constructed as part of
the 2020/21 Road Upgrade Program which prioritised sections based on factors such
as traffic volumes, safety, amenity, road functionality and connectivity between main
roads and local access roads. Who knew our road was so important?

HAPPY Australia Day. That seems wrong. Do we even celebrate Australia Day any more? And if we don’t, why the public holiday?
Aren’t hospo businesses doing it tough enough without another day of paying staff an extra 30 per cent?
I saw on telly the other day they, whoever they are, were spruiking for another public holiday for the lunar new year. WTH? We even held the Grand Final public holiday in Victoria through the pandemic even though the game was held interstate.
It’s gone nuts.

Oh, and what about the Queen’s Birthday? Apparently they, again they, are going
to stick to the same day in June for the King’s Birthday. Even though King Charles
the Third (say it in an Irish voice, it’s quite funny) was born on November 14.
And what about Queen’s Counsels? According to the Australian Bar Association
“persons appointed as QCs will automatically become KCs, following the accession
to the throne of King Charles III”. I wonder if there was good trade in updating
business cards? Would KCs use Vistaprint?
We did nothing for Australia Day. Well, we worked, and we did go to a mate’s
place for a pizza evening. When I mentioned to him it was Australia Day, he added a
couple of lamb chops to the mix.
What happened to the Australia Day lamb advert with Sam Kekovich? I Googled
him and found there was one made but I never saw it anywhere. It’s all about being
un-Australian and creating a new society of various un-Australian people which is like
the new Australia. My head hurts thinking about that but it’s worth a watch.
It seems to be such a controversial day. Even Hepburn Shire held their Australia
Day event on January 25 – but maybe that was to give everyone a day off? Not sure.
But why not just change the date? It was not until 1994 that January 26 was
marked by a public holiday by all states and territories. So the public holiday side of
things is pretty light on history. And the perfect time for the change would be next
year – celebrating the 30th annual public holiday – but on another day.
Not sure what that date should be. Please don’t choose November 14, that would
be terrible because surely now we are closer to a republic than ever before. And
please stop selling Australian items – thongs, singlets, stubby holders, all made in
China. And do those sorts of items really represent Australia? Or is it just because it’s
summer?
I think it would still have to be a date in summer because nothing is more
Australian than a barby. And with Covid, being outside is so de rigueur. It’s a win-
win. But can’t be too close to Christmas. I reckon February. We have no public
holidays in February and I have a few that might work.
First up, February 14 – Valentine’s Day. A public holiday to celebrate Australia
Day and mix it up with love. Perfect. Or February 20 – World Day of Social Justice.
Just seems like it would be a good day. Finally February 27 – World NGO Day. We
get a public holiday and also recognise, celebrate and honour all non-governmental
and non-profit organisations, and also the people behind them that contribute to
society. Which is what the Australia Day awards are about already. Sorted!
Anyway, I hope you had a good day off and enjoyed being with family and/or
friends. That’s what I see Australia Day as being about. Gathering with others, having
a laugh and a bit of a feed. I think that’s very Australian. Who cares what day it is.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, What, What, What rant over.